At a time you were vunerable or lonely a charming man walked up to you and swept you off your feet. It is like he had his radar detector out. You needed to hear the wonderful words and enjoy the excitement of a new relationship. He knew what you needed to hear and made you feel like you finally found that someone who shared your same beliefs. It does not matter what social or ethic background you are from. You just wanted someone to share life with.

What starts out as a "knight in shining armor" soon begins to turn into a "nightmare". The sad part is that in the public eye the man is charismatic, charming and fun, but at home it is the complete opposite. When trying to get support from family or friends you may hear, "oh he cannot possible be like that" or "why don't you just leave then?" There is the statement made many times of, "what did YOU do to provoke the situation?" Unless someone is actually in or has lived in an abusive situation they cannot understand how your complaints could be true.

When your support systems begin to fade you start to feel even more alone and helpless. The situation called, "learned helpless" develops. Your confidence is gone. After so many times of hearing it is your fault, the false accusations, being belittled and discredited, told you are ugly or stupid, meals being flung across the room, being isolated from others, experiencing verbal and physical battering, denying his promiscuity, it is then that your reality becomes distorted. You are brainwashed. You give up. You become exhausted, because no matter what you do or say it never seems to be right. 

I cannot encourage you enough to call any hotline, crisis center, hospital or police station to make a break. Do not stop looking for help even if you run into some who would make it seem that you are the blame. No, it is not easy and you will be afraid, but living a life of fear is NOT living. If there are children in this type of relationship, what kind of an example is being set for them? The boys will become abusers and the girls will become the victims of abusers. The cycle just continues on.

This post is written mostly for women because more women are abused in our society than males. I do add though, that abuse does happen to men and they also need to be aware. It is a problem that not only affects man-woman relationships, it is also happening in same sex relationships, children and the elderly.

Abuse is violence and violence is a crime. It is living on a rollercoaster ride without the fun. Wouldn't you rather get on with the life you are meant to live, with happiness and peace? Sometimes it is better to be alone than alone with someone. We are all spiritual beings with a purpose in our lives and it is not to live in such dysfunction. Do you want to take it...or leave it? Happiness is a choice and the time to be happy is now!

What the world need now is more truth and less denial. This is pertaining to the abusers. Yes, I know, "but they were probably abused as children", as some would say. That is partly true, the only difference is, that as adults do they have the ability to make an adult choice? That is to want to stop, or to seek some kind of help. It is the denial that anything or any situation is wrong, so nothing gets solved? Do you know that some of the lonliest people are in relationships that have "bit the dust". They sleep next to each other and feel nothing. What you cannot feel you cannot heal! They keep telling themselves that it will be OK, I need the finances, it is for the kids or they fear the unknown etc. The truth is that underneath the feeling may be that "I don't trust myself to be able to make it alone". The real kicker is..."but I love him/her". Who could possibly love someone who verbally or physically abuses them? It may have started out about love, but it turns into fear and denial of your pain. You eventually get to the point of not feeling any emotion and your personal power gets weaker the the longer you are in this kind of relationship. Of course that is when the abuser has won. In some situations it takes getting nearly beaten to death to make the necessary leap of faith. I am mostly speaking to women here. When confidence gets so far down and you are on the floor with some control-driven maniac kicking you, what do you think will change that? It is you!!

There is one thing for certain, when you do decide to change your situation, things will work out! Have faith in yourself and the Higher Power. It is not your fault when someone else misuses and abuses you. It is their problem! No one says it will be easy, but believe me, anything worthwhile never does come easy. Be a survivor and dump the garbage. Pick up the telephone and ask for help. Get out of the victim role. I know it can be done. I am a survivor. Live the peaceful life you deserve.